I told the Lord awhile ago, "I don't feel good."
"Don't you think I know that?" I felt Him reply.
I was a little surprised that He would respond that way, but still I said, "Yes, I know You know that, and You know that I know that you know that!"
"Then why don't you ask Me to DO something about it?"
He knows how to get me every time. He's so much wiser than I. He knows me far better than I know myself!
Then, as I began to ask Him, I felt afraid to. Yeah, crazy, I know. It wasn't that I was afraid of Him, or talking to Him, of course, (He hears me rattling about things all the time). So what was it that was making me afraid to ask him to make me feel better?
See, I have struggled for years with my health. Yes, I have asked for healing but it would always come with some reservation. It's not that I didn't want to feel good, because really, I did. No, it was something much more complicated. It was fear.
For so long, I have had my health as an excuse to use to keep me from going forward. I have so many short comings and I always say that it's because of my health. I can't get this accomplished because I don't feel good.
Now, it struck me that if I was healed and my body was no longer weak that there was a possibility that I would still have these shortcomings - and nothing to blame it on. I could no longer say, "The reason that have have these struggles is just because I don't feel good and I can't help it." No, if I was healed, I would instantly expect myself to also be free from all of these other things too. But what if I wasn't? What if I was healed and still had these struggles? Then, I would look like a fraud. I would feel like a failure. It was more than I could handle right now.
I must face my fears. I must get beyond these things and allow God to work. I must go forward.