Saturday, January 12, 2013


This morning as I awoke, God was still working on me.  I still felt in awe of His majesty, and I wanted to tell Him so.  Often I talk to Him as I would another person, casually and relaxed.  But today I felt the need to go beyond that.  Not only is He my best friend, He is God!  He is the Creator of the earth and all living things, and the entire universe!  He the One who set it all in motion.  He could snuff out my life with only a thought far quicker and more effectively than a boy squashing a bug between his fingers.  He is All Powerful, Almighty, and All Sovereign.
When I began looking at Him as God, and not only my Friend I felt so small.  All the knowledge that I could muster wouldn't even be a droplet in comparison to His vast ocean of knowledge.  How could I have ever questioned HIM?
So, as I prayed this morning, I acknowledged His sovereignty.  I let Him know that I see Him not only as my Friend, but as my God and the Creator of this vast universe.  WOW.  It's really not just to try to document this special time.  It was so sacred, so holy.  HOLY, HOLY, HOLY is the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY!  WHO WAS, AND IS, AND IS TO COME!!!

Monuments and Milestones

Last night, the Lord continued talking to me in ways that only He can.  I felt so close to Him.  I thought about the things He taught me earlier in the day and just felt in awe of how that He had drove the simple, yet profound lessons straight to my heart.
I began to face my fears.  I began taking a look at the things that have been holding me back.
Then, I gave them to Him.  The fears.  The questions.  I told Him that He could perform His plan in me even if it required using an avenue that terrified me.  I let Him know that I wanted to go forward.  I wanted to fulfill the life that I was born to live.  The one He had already set into place long before my eyes even saw the light of day.
He showed me that when He created me, He already knew the areas that I would struggle.  He knew that I would have problem areas and short comings.  Did that mean He made His creation with flaws?  That's when He showed me that I wasn't created with flaws; I was unfinished.  At the thought that He created me unfinished seemed a little unsettling at first, but then He told me something else.  I was a work in progress!  I was so relieved to finally grasp this truth!  I wasn't created less than perfect I am still being created!  I realize now that He is still molding me, still shaping me, still creating me into that person that I'm intended to be!  What a load lifted off of my shoulders when I finally realized that it wasn't just up to me to fix all the areas in my life.  I had to become willing to let Him complete what He started.
Now that I faced my fear, I had to release all the questions.  Why did God let certain things happen to me?  Why did God allow me to experience pain?  Why, why, why???
Then, I did it.  I let them go.  I told the Lord that He didn't have to tell me why.  He didn't have to explain the reasons for everything to me.  I trusted Him, and I meant it.  After I did this, something happened.  I don't know exactly what but I know it did.  Maybe only eternity will tell, but I know something happened right then, right there, at that exact moment.  I believe this is when I truly let Him know that I was ready to go forward.   January 11, 2013, will forever be a monumental milestone in my life.

Fear, Get Outta Here!

I told the Lord awhile ago, "I don't feel good."
"Don't you think I know that?"  I felt Him reply.
I was a little surprised that He would respond that way, but still I said, "Yes, I know You know that, and You know that I know that you know that!"
"Then why don't you ask Me to DO something about it?"
He knows how to get me every time.  He's so much wiser than I. He knows me far better than I know myself!

Then, as I began to ask Him, I felt afraid to.   Yeah, crazy, I know.  It wasn't that I was afraid of Him, or talking to Him, of course, (He hears me rattling about things all the time).  So what was it that was making me afraid to ask him to make me feel better?
See, I have struggled for years with my health.  Yes, I have asked for healing but it would always come with some reservation.  It's not that I didn't want to feel good, because really, I did.  No, it was something much more complicated.  It was fear.
For so long, I have had my health as an excuse to use to keep me from going forward.  I have so many short comings and I always say that it's because of my health.  I can't get this accomplished because I don't feel good.
Now, it struck me that if I was healed and my body was no longer weak that there was a possibility that I would still have these shortcomings - and nothing to blame it on.  I could no longer say, "The reason that have have these struggles is just because I don't feel good and I can't help it."  No, if I was healed, I would instantly expect myself to also be free from all of these other things too.  But what if I wasn't?  What if I was healed and still had these struggles?  Then, I would look like a fraud.  I would feel like a failure.  It was more than I could handle right now. 
I must face my fears.  I must get beyond these things and allow God to work.  I must go forward.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Yep, I think I Got It Lord!

God has been so near to me today. I was grumbling about in my mind to Him today about things I wanted to change about myself. Lord I want to change this, I want to change that. I was feeling so disgusted with myself because I seem to struggle with the same old things over and over (and over)! I have turned over a new leaf so many times that the leaf has disintegrated! Why can't it just "click" for me? Some of the things that I struggle with just seem to be a second nature for most people. (You're telling on yourself, Carisa).
It was then that God spoke to me, as plain as day, "Look how far you've come." So I began looking at what has been accomplished in my life lately. Some amazing things truly have come about in my life for sure! In my mind I said back to Him, "But Lord, that was all brought about by YOUR hand. That was nothing that I did!" 

If I could've seen God's face right then it probably held a little smile. His head probably slightly nodded. He knew the point "hit" me before I got the thought completely thought. He made his point well. He has a way of doing that, you know.
After that happened it began to set the scene for the inspiration of the quote below.  (Just in case you want to know the background story).  :)

 As parents we teach our children the ways that they should go with the hope that one day they will be wise enough to make good choices on their own.
God gave us the the freedom of choice with the hope that one day we'll decide to quit making our own choices and allow Him to make them for us. -Carisa Gourley